Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He? As in you personified your dick?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
