Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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