wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
