Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
