There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
