Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
