also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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