i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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