The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
