my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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