I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
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