I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Randomize
