now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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