i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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