I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
