I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dignity is for republicans.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
