just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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