I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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