i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
