saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
