just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
