Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
