i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize