everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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