How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
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