She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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