My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
smell my finger.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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