There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
