I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
