Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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