How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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