it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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