how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
