I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
my poor anus
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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