Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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