I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
