Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
