He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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