Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
