it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
