Cold hands, warm shart.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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