I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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