And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Randomize
