Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Randomize
