So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
