I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
