So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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