Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
