i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
