somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
