when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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