I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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