I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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