The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
