We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
