This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
