So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize