Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
