your parents love me but you hate me
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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