Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize