I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
