is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
