dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
