Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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