Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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