I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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