she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize