I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
