so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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